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‘Allo ‘Allo,
Parlez vous Rugby???
All-Black choker |
Read ‘zis very carefully, I shall write
‘zis only once. Bonjour mes amis, where else could we be but
after visiting Cardiff and Edinburgh…zat is correct….ze Rugby
World Cup (eh sorry, ze Coupe du Monde de Rugby) in France !
Quelle catastrophe, ‘ow can I talk ‘zis one up ? It is I,
Leclerc, disguised as an ‘umble rugby writer. I must bring
festive cheer to ze troops in ze trenches, but ‘ow? |
Our grief is heartfelt after the
debacle that was the RWC2007 campaign. The only slight
saving grace is the fact that, apart from South Africa, England
and Argentina, our obvious grief is being shared by our fellow
rugby cousins across the globe. There is a serious side to this
debate. Elsewhere, coaches and teams are being judged on their
performances after the event. Many are making the long and
lonely march to the exit. What about Ireland? We only gave the
coach and senior players renewed contracts BEFORE events
unfolded. They may still be the best around but where was the
logic- be judged on performance like everyone else?
It was painful to see the scramble for
TV and press advertising by said parties beforehand, as if that
was the only game in town. It seems to the ordinary punter that
the next Powerade promo got in the way of the main game. The
brand was, and should be, the delivery of quality rugby. We
failed miserably. Let’s start there. Aside from our internal
woes, the IRB needs to address the obvious huge gap between the
traditional powers and the minnows. Once again, some games and
results brought no credit to the game. The role of traditional
touring is also in question when we see the debacle of recent
visits to both southern and northern hemispheres. What value a
Tri-Nations (New Zealand) or a Triple Crown (Ireland) now??
In the seasonal spirit, how about some
cheer. Otherwise we’ll only end up crying. The jokes have been
flying big time, the following are some of the best ones I’ve
come across on my travels. In addition, the opportunity to brush
up on our French was well worth the effort. After all, where
else would we have come across a Patron and his staff as
accommodating as those who made our stay so enjoyable? The Café
Rene came highly recommended and their local gendarme proved
confusing but friendly. We’ve not quite worked out their house
special yet (a flying ‘elmet and ‘ze wet celery), a new French
aperitif we understand. After all, we were there for the rugby ,
were we not? Some useful French phrases you say? Try these for
size, if our experience was anything to go by!
Le Patron et femme |
Me serait-il possible de passer la nuit par terre?
( Could I possibly sleep on your floor?)
Je vous jure, c’est mon pote à l’intérieur qui a mon
billet! (My friend with my ticket is meeting me inside).
Vous ne sauriez pas le nom de mon hotel par hasard?
(You don’t know what my hotel is called, do you?)
C’est un flic blond, patron. (Fair play, my ould
segotia)
C’est très séduisante, votre banane. (Your bum bag
is very attractive).
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Un verre d’eau et deux comprimés d’aspirine s’il vous
plaît. (A glass of water and two aspirin, please).
Et vous croyez que moi, je suis moche. Il faudrait voir
notre pilier gauche. (And you think I’m ugly. You should
see our loosehead prop).
Finally, a last minute Christmas present for that special rugby
supporter? A top drop perhaps? How about Ireland’s ‘Magic
Moments RWC2007’ book (abridged version) or the All-Blacks
choker due to hit our shelves soon? Chateau... eh, sorry,
Shatter Campo label’s ‘Pom Victoire’ comes highly recommended.
Matured over several years, this robust performer has been
enjoyed by the English for some time. Australians may find this
hard to swallow due to it’s bitter aftertaste, which can last
for four years or more. Best served cold with humble pie or
barbecued wings. Available from all Downunder Whines and
Thrasher outlets. Can’t be fairer than that, a pain shared is a
pain halved, I say! We’ll be back in the new year with our Six
Nations, Super 14 and Heineken Cup wraps. We’ll have sobered up
by then ! Happy holidays and Seasons Greetings to all. |
‘Til next time...‘Carn the Force’ and ‘Low lie the Fields of
Athenry’
David Isaacson
Jokes
Q: What’s the difference between the
Wallabies, the All Blacks and an arsonist? A: An arsonist
wouldn’t waste 5 matches (substitute 4 for Ireland)!
Q: What’s the difference between
Ireland, the Wallabies, the All Blacks and a tea bag?
A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Q: How do you get a champagne cork
back into the bottle?
A: Ask an All-Black Did you hear that Australia Post/An Post had
to recall their latest stamps. They had pictures of
Wallaby/Irish rugby players on them. People
couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
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